A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING

It was a few weeks ago, in the shower, that I had an idea. I was mulling over the many blessings I had been given and realized that being single- in its own right- is a blessing. I started thinking about all the many things that I have because of my Marital Status (or lack thereof) and then I wondered what others would have to say... so I asked.

This entire week is devoted to Giving Thanks, a Shout-Out if you will, to our single lives as women! There is joy in recognizing that we truly are given so much! Each day I will share with you what some amazing single ladies had to say about their single lives.

If you would like to join, please email me at: singlewhitechick@gmail.com


Monday November 22, 2011:


Peggy
31
Salt Lake City, UT

+ I am grateful to sleep in on a Saturday without any little nuggets tugging on my arm to make breakfast.

+ I am grateful that I have had the time and the means and the freedom to travel and explore the world around me- to meet people I would never have met. I have a full and fun life that I will get to share with my children.

+ I am grateful to the men I have dated over these past 31 years- each one has brought something good and unique into my life- they have taught me so much about myself in a way that I never would have learned in any other way. Some have shown me what it looks like to be truly loved and others have taught me what it looks like when I'm not. Because of each of them, I am better prepared for the marriage I am hopeful to obtain somewhere in my future.

+ I am grateful to get to know myself without too much distraction. I found out that I really like who I am. I learned to appreciate my weaknesses for what they are and learned to be appreciative of my strengths. I know what makes me happy and sad and know that it's okay to give and to receive. I love my body, inside and out, thick or thin, perfect and imperfect. It's been really great getting to know Peggy- she's pretty awesome.

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Marjorie
28
Salt Lake City, UT
USA
I am grateful that while I am single I get to use all of the hot water for myself :)

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Angie
29
Sandy, UT, USA

I am grateful to be single because:
I can do what I want, whenever I want.
I can spend my money on whatever I want.
I control the tv...Grey's Anatomy vs random sports game I don't care about? No contest in my house (see number 1 of this list).
I don't need a babysitter to go to the gym, or anywhere else for that matter. I can just hop in my car and go.
Road trip anytime, no problem.
Girl's nights with no curfew.
No awkward in-law relationships.
Late-night movies just because.
And last but not least, I'm grateful to be single because it is a blessing. God just doesn't hand out punishments willy nilly, such as you don't get to be married because I'm punishing you. God wants to bless us, so being single must be a blessing and I'm going to love it as such.

GIRLS' CHOICE

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... stores are not only brimming with Christmas merchandise but they are already blaring Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer and the like as well. You yourself may have already been tempted to bust out your old Bing Crosby CD and are singing along to his crooning seasonal swoon. I don't blame you one bit. Tis the season for fun and laughter and sharing with loved ones.

But with all the energy and excitement also comes that silly little pang in the Single Girl's chest that reminds her that she still isn't one of the "chosen" to be walking hand in hand down the lighted streets or entering her family party with that great guy on her arm. It's true... it can suck sometimes.

As I have yet to position myself back in dating world, I take a glance a few weeks into my future and recognize that once again I will be that single lady- sitting next to my tree at night with a solo cup of cocoa at the table.

As I was talking with my therapist about the impending heartache-filled season he said something to me that has changed my whole point of view and I couldn't be more Jolly about it!

"Peggy, if you really wanted to, you could find someone to snuggle up to this year. But if it's not the right timing to be dating for you and you know that, then you can make the choice to be single this year. Granted the other option sounds better- but in the long run, is it?"

Well kick my mistletoe Doc... you're right!

It's true, if I really wanted to, I could jump online or go to a bar or flirt with every single man I see in the grocery store... so that I could find some John Doe to "save me" from my pain and heartache. But knowing that I am not ready to be dating again after such a year, it would be silly of me to run into the arms of some random- whom I would probably be using just to have a warm body.

And even if you ARE in a place to be dating and have put yourself out there- still recognize that you are holding out for the best you could get- because truly, you could probably flirt with the toothless guy at the WalMart checkout and get a date. But you are seeking after something more complete than just a make-out buddy this year... and therefore you are choosing to stay single until "he" comes along, right?

Did you know that there is so much power in the concept of It's My Choice and actually mean it? The whole- To Act and Not Be Acted Upon (2Nephi 13) principle!

I have made the choice to be a single girl this Christmas and it has changed up my entire perspective about what this Season will mean for me in 2010!


There is a great scripture I found in 2Corinthians that has become my new Mantra:

2Corinthians 6:10: As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich, having nothing yet possessing all things.

Ladies, we have an opportunity to choose to be the Light in the lives of those around us- to utilize the fact that we are single- to serve and help and care for others in such a unique way. By choosing that this year will be a joy-filled year- man or no man is so much more powerful than we could ever realize.

So my challenge to you this year is to look to your upcoming Holiday Season with a new perspective and light and choose to be happy and make many rich!

Getting Back Up

I wrote this a few weeks ago and posted it on my "regular" blog- when life was still pretty foggy and hard. These words seemed to just pour out of me. More for my benefit than anyone else; it was like Heavenly Father was trying to speak to me, through this experience. I could feel his love for me stronger than ever as I read what was writing.

Since writing it, I have referred back to it several times. It's a constant reminder of the strength I have and from where that strength comes from. It reminds me that I am not alone, that Heavenly Father is in control. It reminds me that this too shall pass.

I decided to post it here because I know that I am not the only girl who has felt this kind of pain or struggled with feelings of sorrow. I hope it helps you too if and when you ever need it.


GETTING BACK UP

when one experiences hard things, the kind of hard that seems beat you to a pulp and knock you onto your back, the only thing you can do for a while is lay there.

you feel weak.
you feel despondent.
you feel like the pain will never go away.

and you know what? it's okay to lay there for a while.

and while you're lying there all sorts of things cross your mind.

maybe i will just stay down here- it would be so much easier
maybe i will find something easy to run to and maybe just maybe the pain will go away
maybe i will close my eyes and all of this will have just been a horrible nightmare

and after you've thought all these thinks, the thinks decide they need to come out and you begin

you talk to people... friends, family, therapist, bishop, co-workers
you talk to the wall
you talk when you're in your car all by yourself
you say horrible things, sad things, hurtful things, angry things
you say things about the past, the present... the future that seems so empty

then one day, as you're laying there, flat on your back, feeling the hot tears trickle down your face for the 100th time, you finally look up at the ceiling and you cry out to the God you believe in and you say the last words you can possibly think of to say.

Please Help Me

they seem to fall out of your mouth in a whisper. light on your lips-- because you are too weak to say it any louder or with any more conviction.

and then you wait, quietly... delicately... hopefully

then, just when you thought it would never come-- it comes -- it starts in your head. it's quiet at first; you almost can't hear it or understand. you wonder if you're just making it up. but ever so softly you do.

i love you my daughter
you are not alone
you are worth more than all the gold in the world to me

it takes your breath away at first. you almost don't dare to believe it... but you so badly want to believe it. so you let it sit with you for a while. then without warning, you get more

you do have the strength to do this, you know
you are made of the finest i could give
you will be blessed with more than you can imagine

you sit up. did you hear that right? you start to think about it again. you refuse to let yourself really truly grasp anything just yet. you're still too stunned. you speak back.

what does that mean?
what could you possibly give me that would take ALL this pain away?
what could you do to make me feel like i am normal again?

then you look around and notice that not only are you not crying anymore, but you've been able to sit up without much effort on your part. you are stunned for a minute. you are tempted to lie back down. it felt so much better letting your head hang low. but then it comes again.

i have work for you my gifted child
i have given you unique things that will make a difference
i have all the intention of using those strengths to make your life better

but... but... what about all the things you said i could have? huh? what about those?

you stand up out of anger and with bitter tears and all the disappointment and the fear and the hurt you scream up at him...

WHY?

why can't i have what i want?
why did you do this to me?
why am i still here, after all i've tried to become?

but that understanding voice comes back to you. he knows. he understands. he hurts just as much as you do. pain is the last thing he wants for you... but he also knows that through this pain comes strength... and he needs you to be strong.

you can't see everything i see
you can't even imagine what i have in store
you can do this, i promise
and look... you are standing... and you didn't think you could even do that.

this time you are shocked. you? you have the strength to stand on your own again? you look around, you feel a bit dizzy, you feel like maybe you'll fall again and be right back where you started. you don't trust this position just yet. you look back up. you stand there for the longest time. waiting... out of fear... not wanting to move. gently he prompts.

trust me and follow me
trust me and i will make weak things become strong
trust me and i will bless each step you take
come on now... take that fist step

you start to move your foot and realize that the pain is still very acute. it's not possible. you can't do this. it hurts. you're still sad. you're still weak.

but you are up. you got up, and you didn't even think you could do that. and as you take each step, your courage and faith and strength will grow. and each step will become easier. the wounds will heal and your heart will begin to open.

and years from now you will be so far away from where you landed that you won't be able to see it anymore. and you'll look at those scars and raise them to God and give thanks.

IN THE PRESENT: the principle of balance

I was having a great philosophically profound conversation with one of my good friends (what other kinds of conversation is there?) and we were discussing all sorts of important topics that have been on both of our minds these past few months.


As we talked, a principle that has been a recurring theme in my life came back into plain view- first thought- I am so blogging about this!


Balance
bal.ance [bal-uh ns]
noun, verb
1) a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.



Sure we all know and understand the Principle of Balance on an academic level and there are several directions I could take this little post... but for today's purpose I am referring to BEING IN THE PRESENT.


Having just gotten out of a relationship that has been a ginormous part of my life since moving back to Utah, I find myself in the strangest mental place. In my grieving process I found that it is soooooo way too easy to sit and dwell on the yesterday. Right?

Haven't we all been a little guilty of sitting around reminiscing and mulling and playing things out in our "brain movie" over and over and over again? Either that, or we sit and think too far in the future about the possible reuniting of said ex'd relationship? Or of finding hope in the thought of what will happen months from now?


And maybe you, lucky lady reader, aren't susceptible to these kinds of thoughts post-break-up, but maybe somewhere in your life you are doing this very thing... putting too much energy into the person you used to be or the person you want to become?


Or am I the only one that finds myself obsessing over the past and/or future?


So as I talked with my friend, we talked about how the only time I have felt at complete peace and happiness, through all of the pain and confusion, is when I focus on the NOW!

When I allow myself to think too far back... regretting, reminiscing, getting jealous of myself back then... I get thrown out of balance and spend the next few days trying to reign it back in. Similarly, if I allow myself to think too far in the future... planning, hoping, manipulating... I get the exact same result.

Just like trying to stay balanced on a beam... if you put too much weight in front of or behind your center of balance... you are at risk of falling!

I have had these discussions before, as I have been in this place before- and without a doubt the same direction not only comes from God above but from those loved ones around me- STAY IN THE PRESENT.

Focus on what you can do TODAY
Deal with the emotions you are feeling TODAY
Look for ways to make life better TODAY

And when I do this, peace fills my heart and I am no longer in distress. And good golly does it feel GREAT!

Staring At The Sun

You know how you can stare at something long enough and when you close your eyes you can see the black impression of the object on the backs of your eyes (or wherever you see it)? I've decided that being in a long-term relationship and ending it, is a lot like that.

For the longest time that person is "front and center" in your life. They are right there; pretty much all you can see... it's what being in love does to you right?

But then one day they are gone and they are no longer that real life object in front of you. And it's only when you close your eyes can you see that foggy impression of what used to be the object in front of your face every day. And when you open your eyes, it's not there anymore.

The problem is, the foggy image remains with you for a long time. Just like how sometimes when you've looked at something long and hard enough that impression takes a while to dissapate.

I have to be honest... I get impatient with that process. I wish I didn't see his image in EVERYTHING right now. I can't wait for the day when his image doesn't show up on the backs of my eyelids any more.

I think maybe I will go stare at the sun all day long and see if that helps!

Single Again

So... well... ummm... Hi everyone.

Guess who's back? Yep. Me. Single again.

It goes without saying that this is a hard post for me to write. I was actually hoping to leave my Single Girl Blog in the dust and not really be sad by never looking back! But, this is not the case and as such, I realize I need to do this.

This blog was born out of a desire to strengthen women... and who better to strengthen than myself right now? And it does... this blog gives me strength.

Christmas Eve 2009 I reconnected with the ex-boyfriend who had broken my heart last October. It was the last thing I expected. We spent the whole of this last year, dating and laughing and loving and getting engaged and planning a wedding and a life... and then... life happens.

So, almost a year to the day from last year, I find myself, once again, in this crazy single world.

No, gratefully, I am not bitter. Just sad. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to wish things were different (for a little while) and it's okay to hope for good things in the future.

I can do hard things... and I have been through worse.
I can pick myself up from the mud
I can find laughter and happiness even when it sucks
I can stay close to Heavenly Father, and believe that he is in control right now
I can take this time to connect with myself, love myself and take care of myself

I'm not exactly sure when I will feel normal again. I'm not really willing to push that fact either. I just want to lay back and let the river of life float me along for a season so that I can catch my breath and get strength back in my muscles so I can start swimming again... eventually.

So I am back. I am single again.

IT's THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

Today's Post is brought to you by my
TRUE CONFESSIONS

It was Halloween last night. I had a great time with my girlfriends. One of those moments where you look at yourself in the moment and you realize how truly blessed with amazing people your life really is. But with all of our fun and frivolity last night, I gotta be honest... I was a little grumpy. In fact, I was grumpy all day. I teach theater on Saturday's and I could even feel myself fighting off being grumpy with this class of funny teenagers whom I love!

It wasn't until I opened up about it to one of my friends that I actually pinpointed the source of my "ornery pants"... It was yet one more holiday I celebrated... SINGLE.

To my younger audience of women, I don't mean to exclude you here, but I remember those carefree days of my younger 20's when these types of thoughts never even crossed my mind, so you may or may not feel the weight of my next point but when I was getting my costume all put together I kept thinking...

"I don't want to dress up again and go to parties and flirt with dudes. I want to be at home with my husband and kids, making chili and getting the kids to settle down before we head out to trick or treat. I want to share these moments with them... my fictitious little family."

And now we are embarking on the best season of the whole year, the season where we focus on loved ones and family and laughter. I can't help but pay my respects to that small pang in my chest that calls out to the universe... PLEASE... don't let me be alone again this year.

So this week I have decided to focus all of my energies on finding hope in my future. Finding excitement in the things I am blessed to have this year. I have decided to prepare a veritable backpack full of positive energy NOW so that when Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years hit, I am filled with the spirit of happiness and hope and joy. With or without someone special to share them with.

Ladies, I know I'm not alone out here in what feels like a wasteland of things hoped for and not seen... but you should know, I pray for you... I really do. I know it's hard and this time of year seems to bear down with a weight we must fight off. But we will do it and if you trust in our Father in Heaven, he will make this year a very merry one indeed.