A Single Girl Thanksgiving (4)

Audria
older than I look
New England

As one who has been single much longer than I ever anticipated, I have gone through many phases of 'ok with my singleness'. I have had a few opportunities slip through my fingers. Each recovery was different. Each experience taught me something different. Most I am now grateful did end. The one that truly broke my heart and devastated me continues to teach me. It still makes me wonder about the purpose and order of things. In the end, I realize how blessed I am. Blessed to have the time to discover me, blessed to have the time to overcome the baggage of childhood and adolescence. Blessed to have the chance to become better...more of who I want to be. Blessed to have the opportunity to live and love and serve freely. I know that these things can be learned and experienced regardless of marital status. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father knows me and knew that the road He has taken me on was the best way for me to learn all of this and prepare me for all that is to come. There is so much yet to come, single or together.

Love On Your Own Terms

It was a cold winter's day, and this single girl was bustling about getting ready for a night on the town when her phone rang. Without even looking at the caller ID on her phone she picked up the phone,

"Hello Peggy, this is Bishop Olson (former bish). I missed a call from you, was that a pocket dial or did you mean to get in touch?"

"Oh, oops Bishop, it looks as though I did accidentally call you."

We chatted for a bit, and he asked how I was. I told him about calling off the wedding and filled him in on a few particulars and... then he said something... and that something has been rattling around in my head ever since. It's the kind of something that shifts ones paradigm. A something that stays with you forever.

"You know Peggy, you are so wonderful that I have no doubt that you will be able to find love on your own terms."

It was such a small and simple phrase- one would hardly think much of it. And yet, I did... and then as I pondered, I realized how much I needed to hear that in that very moment. AMAZING!

Love on my own terms. Have I not done that in the past? Well, yes... and no.

What does finding love on my own terms look like? What does that really mean?

Here's what I've come up with:

I have dated several men in my 31 years of life. Some have been good church going men, others have not. Some have been on the fence about their testimony and others don't even know what a testimony is. But in all my experience, all my mistakes, all of my own growth spurts I began to realize what MY testimony is... and within that context I realize not only how I want to live my life, but how I plan to raise my family as well.

The thing about dating men who either aren't a member of the LDS church, or even those who don't really follow its teachings (even if they are of the LDS persuasion) is that they really aren't in a place to live life along my side in a balanced and shared way. I don't mean to say that I am better than they are; that's not it AT ALL. Yes I have been on both sides of the coin, so obviously I can live knowing that really good people can sometimes find themselves making really huge mistakes. So it has nothing do to with someone being good or not- more of a question of how they live their life and what they want out of it.

The best question you can ask yourself when thinking about marrying someone is "if this person NEVER changed from today- could you live with all that they are?"

So I suppose I have found myself in past relationships with men who either couldn't or didn't want to give me the life that I dreamed of for myself: Big flashy cars, lots of extra cash for botox visits and massages by men named Sergio... oh... I mean...

A Loving home filled with laughter, Respect, Integrity and all of it centered around the Church to which I subscribe all of my beliefs.

People's weakness and shortcomings are all part of that package too... that's life right?- just so long as the fundamentals are there... that is what I want. Those are my terms. I shouldn't ever settle for less than that.

And so, as I move on with my life. As I look toward my future and the things I pray for- I know that God will bless me with a man who can and will give me all of the things I have ever dreamed of... LOVE ON MY OWN TERMS baby! That's so sexy!

A Single Girl Thanksgiving (4)

[so sorry for the delay... it's been way busier than i thought]



Katie
29
Utah

As a single, white female, I’m most grateful for time. Time to develop myself—to discover who I am and then rediscover me again. Time to learn. The knowledge I’m gaining since all my time is mine is something I would never trade, as well as something I hope I don’t ever take for granted or waste.


I’m learning vital life skills, like how to love and forgive myself and others, how to cook real meals that make me feel amazing, how to better understand human behavior and vulnerabilities, how to successfully communicate, how to speak other languages and experience other cultures, and how to best help children develop, feel safe, and receive love. While being single I can study and learn whatever I want and be whoever I want! Not to mention, I get to sleep 9 hours a night, teach refugee kids how to read, put my all into grad school and completely change careers, go to a midnight movie, have mad crushes on 20-year-olds and 40-year-olds at the same time, and do water aerobics with grandmas while looking hot in my swimsuit. I am becoming and celebrating and savoring each and every day. I am so blessed to be single!

A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING (3)

Colleen
26
Boston, Massachusetts, USA
I am grateful that I can follow my dreams. If I decide I want to fly across the country, "just because," I can. If I decide I want to go see Harry Potter for the second time in 3 days in the middle of the night, I can. If I decide I want to get my master's degree while working full time and seeing my amazing friends every single night, I can. And if I decide I want to kiss someone, anyone, I can. It is an amazing freedom. I love being single.


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Katie
34
Colorado Springs, Colorado


I am very thankful that while the holidays can really stress people out, I have the freedom, disposal income, and flexible job that all allow me to spend Thanksgiving on the beaches of Panama with some dear girlfriends. And because I haven't given birth yet-I will look pretty good in that swimsuit!


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Cara
30
Arlington, VA
I am grateful being single because it has given me the opportunity to live, interact and learn from many other amazing, strong, talented and insightful single individuals! It's like a "family" of singles :)

Feel more than free to not use it :) But, I do look forward to reading your posts!!

A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING (2)

Amber
Age 25
Nebraska

I'm thankful for my two years I spent in Korea, exploring food, culture and military men!


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Emily
Age 30
Utah


What I Love About Being Single


There probably aren't many things more challenging than being a single mom. I do it all and I do it alone... and sometimes, that's tough. I miss having someone to share the workload and then wrap his arms around me when we're tucked into bed at night, to tell me everything is going to be okay after I've had a particularly rough day. I miss someone who will do the manly jobs around the house and take care of my car when it needs repairs. What I don't miss--well, that's another story.


What I love about being single is the HOPE. I came from a relationship where hope had died, and my future looked pretty bleak. On the single side of things, there's at least the possibility, the potential, for some amazing person to enter my life who is my perfect companion, the puzzle piece that fits right into me and all of who I am. I love having a reason to get dressed up every day, because every day is an opportunity to meet that someone; and when I do, I hope I dazzle him. I love the spark of those first encounters, the flirting, and the way my stomach flutters when someone cute asks for my number. I love it even more when he actually calls. I love the holding hands and the first kisses.


I also love the freedom to wear no makeup and lay around in my sweats sometimes when I'm home, because there's no one to impress. I love that there's no one to see my mess when I don't feel like cleaning. I also love that NOT having a man around to do the manly job and take care of my car when it needs repairs means that I am forced to do those things myself. There's something empowering about staring down a challenge or an obstacle, especially an unfamiliar one, and finding somewhere inside me the resourcefulness, the strength, the stick-to-it-iveness, or the gumption to do what I've never done before or didn't think I actually could do. Being single has taught me that I CAN be single. When the time is right for me to be in a relationship again, I won't choose it out of fear, because being single has taught me that I can do it alone. I just don't want to.


Because there's still something amazing about having someone to share your life with.


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Brooke
Age 31
Magna, Utah, United States of America

I love being single to the point that it bothers my married friends. They seem to get offended that I can just up and go whenever and to wherever I want, without getting permission from someone else. Also, there are no nagging phone calls when I'm out late or frustrated sighs when I want to go somewhere.

Being single means I can do 'manly' things without being told how to do it the "right way". When I finish those things, like installing up a pull-up bar, I feel self-reliant and my self-esteem is boosted.

I have a lot of time to better myself for me and not someone else.

I don't like to cuddle, so having the entire bed to myself is a great treat.

All-in-all it's a blessing that makes me...well me.

A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING

It was a few weeks ago, in the shower, that I had an idea. I was mulling over the many blessings I had been given and realized that being single- in its own right- is a blessing. I started thinking about all the many things that I have because of my Marital Status (or lack thereof) and then I wondered what others would have to say... so I asked.

This entire week is devoted to Giving Thanks, a Shout-Out if you will, to our single lives as women! There is joy in recognizing that we truly are given so much! Each day I will share with you what some amazing single ladies had to say about their single lives.

If you would like to join, please email me at: singlewhitechick@gmail.com


Monday November 22, 2011:


Peggy
31
Salt Lake City, UT

+ I am grateful to sleep in on a Saturday without any little nuggets tugging on my arm to make breakfast.

+ I am grateful that I have had the time and the means and the freedom to travel and explore the world around me- to meet people I would never have met. I have a full and fun life that I will get to share with my children.

+ I am grateful to the men I have dated over these past 31 years- each one has brought something good and unique into my life- they have taught me so much about myself in a way that I never would have learned in any other way. Some have shown me what it looks like to be truly loved and others have taught me what it looks like when I'm not. Because of each of them, I am better prepared for the marriage I am hopeful to obtain somewhere in my future.

+ I am grateful to get to know myself without too much distraction. I found out that I really like who I am. I learned to appreciate my weaknesses for what they are and learned to be appreciative of my strengths. I know what makes me happy and sad and know that it's okay to give and to receive. I love my body, inside and out, thick or thin, perfect and imperfect. It's been really great getting to know Peggy- she's pretty awesome.

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Marjorie
28
Salt Lake City, UT
USA
I am grateful that while I am single I get to use all of the hot water for myself :)

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Angie
29
Sandy, UT, USA

I am grateful to be single because:
I can do what I want, whenever I want.
I can spend my money on whatever I want.
I control the tv...Grey's Anatomy vs random sports game I don't care about? No contest in my house (see number 1 of this list).
I don't need a babysitter to go to the gym, or anywhere else for that matter. I can just hop in my car and go.
Road trip anytime, no problem.
Girl's nights with no curfew.
No awkward in-law relationships.
Late-night movies just because.
And last but not least, I'm grateful to be single because it is a blessing. God just doesn't hand out punishments willy nilly, such as you don't get to be married because I'm punishing you. God wants to bless us, so being single must be a blessing and I'm going to love it as such.

GIRLS' CHOICE

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... stores are not only brimming with Christmas merchandise but they are already blaring Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer and the like as well. You yourself may have already been tempted to bust out your old Bing Crosby CD and are singing along to his crooning seasonal swoon. I don't blame you one bit. Tis the season for fun and laughter and sharing with loved ones.

But with all the energy and excitement also comes that silly little pang in the Single Girl's chest that reminds her that she still isn't one of the "chosen" to be walking hand in hand down the lighted streets or entering her family party with that great guy on her arm. It's true... it can suck sometimes.

As I have yet to position myself back in dating world, I take a glance a few weeks into my future and recognize that once again I will be that single lady- sitting next to my tree at night with a solo cup of cocoa at the table.

As I was talking with my therapist about the impending heartache-filled season he said something to me that has changed my whole point of view and I couldn't be more Jolly about it!

"Peggy, if you really wanted to, you could find someone to snuggle up to this year. But if it's not the right timing to be dating for you and you know that, then you can make the choice to be single this year. Granted the other option sounds better- but in the long run, is it?"

Well kick my mistletoe Doc... you're right!

It's true, if I really wanted to, I could jump online or go to a bar or flirt with every single man I see in the grocery store... so that I could find some John Doe to "save me" from my pain and heartache. But knowing that I am not ready to be dating again after such a year, it would be silly of me to run into the arms of some random- whom I would probably be using just to have a warm body.

And even if you ARE in a place to be dating and have put yourself out there- still recognize that you are holding out for the best you could get- because truly, you could probably flirt with the toothless guy at the WalMart checkout and get a date. But you are seeking after something more complete than just a make-out buddy this year... and therefore you are choosing to stay single until "he" comes along, right?

Did you know that there is so much power in the concept of It's My Choice and actually mean it? The whole- To Act and Not Be Acted Upon (2Nephi 13) principle!

I have made the choice to be a single girl this Christmas and it has changed up my entire perspective about what this Season will mean for me in 2010!


There is a great scripture I found in 2Corinthians that has become my new Mantra:

2Corinthians 6:10: As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich, having nothing yet possessing all things.

Ladies, we have an opportunity to choose to be the Light in the lives of those around us- to utilize the fact that we are single- to serve and help and care for others in such a unique way. By choosing that this year will be a joy-filled year- man or no man is so much more powerful than we could ever realize.

So my challenge to you this year is to look to your upcoming Holiday Season with a new perspective and light and choose to be happy and make many rich!