GUEST BLOGGER: Marj- Going For It

Marj is one of my best friends. She actually filled in as the role of boyfriend this past year as my heart was bleeding to death on the floor. She picked me up, made me laugh and took me on SEVERAL Diet Coke runs when the time called for it.

Watching her make the very hard and scary decisions she describes below was a very humbling thing for me. She set her pride and desires aside and just listened to and trusted the Lord. I miss her like crazy that she isn't here- but I am so very excited to see the amazing things that are coming to her now that she has taken that HUGE leap of Faith!

This is her story:

It was a breakup... as always... that convinced my heart and soul that something was off balance in my life. I picked myself up soon enough after, but almost too soon. When I realized that the end of this relationship was starting out the same as all the others it dawned on me it was time to react differently. I didn't want the same result AGAIN. So, I gave myself a mandatory 90 day break from dating. Then, when that didn't seem too painful or hard I decided to take this a step further and give myself 90 days of self-discovery.

I was to take a full three months away from the demands of socializing, family parties, and new men and truly dig deep into the inner most wrinkles of my being and iron out those things that were repeatedly holding me back. I cleared my calendar for the following three months. I decided that if there came a day when there was a party I wanted to attend I would go. But I was not going to make any advanced plans.

It is harder than you might think to force yourself into a cocoon of self understanding. In fact, it plain stunk at first. I was so bored the first week I thought I might cry. The second week was so much easier to get a grip on this opportunity and really put it to good use.

For the first month I basically sat around reading all of the time, sulking when my mind was blank, and spending more time at the office to take my mind off of my newly emptied life. I had started going to a counselor to work out past troubles, and make sure my feet were set on the right course for progress.

It all seemed well and good, but something was missing. Christ. As soon as the noise of my distracting life had faded, I recognized instantly that my connection with spiritual things had weakened. It took some time to mourn and accept the low place that I found myself, but then I started my hike upward.

As I started reading my scriptures more, praying sincerely, and writing my personal feelings in my journal I started to feel more and more strange. Yes, that's such an unexpected feeling when you're doing the 'right' thing. It wasn't until I was on a road trip with my dear friend that this first step in my journey was decoded.

I had become closer to the spirit, and as a result I was feeling the pull to change something.... what something? Talking with my friend on our long journey it started to ease it's way from my heart into my brain. I didn't like my job. I didn't feel like I fit in my environment anymore. I felt like there was something I needed to change, and soon. This all made perfect sense. Of course I needed change. The instant relief and optimistic hope that filled my insides were enough of a confirmation that I was on the right track.

For the next couple of days I made lists of placed I would like to live, and things I would be good at doing. Nothing in particular from my choices stood out above another. I decided to read my patriarchal blessing, which I received at age 16. After reading it I immediately felt prompted by the spirit in a new way. Up until that point I viewed this blessing in a reactive way. I would wait for events to happen, then compare and contrast with the things I was promised. It was as though a light turned on and I was reading my blessing for the first time. Heavenly Father intended me to 'go and do' in order to get the things he promised. I had to pro actively live in a way that would bring everything I have been dreaming of since I was 16. The peace and confidence that filled the air were yet another testimony to me that I was on the right track. So I prayed with all of my heart that the Lord would guide me to the place that I needed to be in order to do everything I was meant to for Him. And, of course, there were promises that I desperately wanted to come true as well. Up from my knees I came and a new list was started. I wrote down all of the places I thought would work with my purpose. Nothing struck me, still.

After reading a few great talks from General Authorities on personal revelation and the importance of acting on our promptings I found myself preparing to go to the Temple with my question. While I was sitting in the Salt Lake Temple at the place where you can sit and ponder on your own mysteries, I started to pray. “Where am I supposed to go?” Nothing. “Should I stay in Utah?” Nothing. “Should I go to Boston? New York? Florida? Arizona?” Nothing. Feeling like a spoiled brat who has grown weary of inventing new tactics to get what I wanted I finally sent another silent plea toward Heaven, “I am going to sit here until you at least give me some sort of an answer. I am going to clear my mind, and wait.” And wait I did.

It seemed like forever had passed, though it was probably just minutes, and my mind was brought to the thought, “Virginia.” “Virginia?????” “Yes, Virginia.” “Why?”... I know that is a silly question after why I had come to the Lord in the first place, but I'm human. My heart was filled with the spirit and thoughts flooded my mind of relatives that lived in Norther VA, and the many opportunities to be involved with missionary work, and the great historic significance of the area that would keep me occupied for years. I started to feel so excited. Wow. I prepared, I came to the Lord with a specific question, and I received a specific answer.

Several months have passed, and as of 2 weeks ago I am now officially a resident of Alexandria, VA. Each time I took another step towards Heavenly Father's guided course a new piece of the puzzle was solved. My housing basically fell into my lap. I have three amazing roommates. I have already had several chances to talk about the Savior in group settings, and talk about the importance of religion. I've had great leads on prospective employment, and many other great opportunities unfolding before me. At first I looked around me and asked, “So when does this start?”. Today I realized, it already started. I'm here. I made it. The Lord brought me to a new place and now I get to bask in the great experience that has been made just for me.

I DON'T DO RESOLUTIONS

Far be it from me to squash anyone's traditions. I think the idea of starting fresh with ones year is the best possible way to look out into the open range of possibilities with untouched days ahead.



I don't exactly remember when I started my own new tradition, but somewhere in my mid-20's it hit me that I really don't do New Year's Resolutions... and I never have. I am a goal-setter by nature and already constantly set new goals for myself when the need strikes me. So doing this on a day when its said to be "the day to do it" seems a little unnecessary for me. Besides, how many times do we hear it joked that I set the goal on January 1 and by February 20 I can't even remember what it was I pledge to do or not to do!? So, I just don't participate!



However, the older I've gotten, I noticed how each year seems to hold a theme for me. Because I am a believer that I have a Father in Heaven who is in tandem with the ins and outs of my life and my choices, I noticed that with each step I take he provides trials and adventures to carve out the lessons I am trying to learn as I go.



So for the past few years I have begun a tradition of my own that I much prefer to the stale Resolution Making. MY YEARLY THEME.



2008 was my "Year of Change"

2009 was my "Year of Adventure" and boy did I ever!

2010 was my "Get All My Ducks In A Row Year" because having a whole year dedicated to adventure can sometimes lead to little loose ends hanging around ones life. What a pain!



So this year, as I looked back on this past year... the things I've learned and the paths I've taken and I see need for certain lessons that would do me a world of good. I also see how I am on the "pride cycle" up-swing and have been doing a lot of better of going to Heavenly Father for things I need and for direction.



In my searches and scripture study, I came across a familiarly favorite story in the Book of Mormon about the Jaredites... I like to lovingly call them "Tight Like Unto a Dishers" (appropriately named for the boats they boarded and proceeded to spend just under a year in).



As you will recall, they construct these boats that look like to bowls one on top of the other, with a hole cut at the top and the bottom so that no matter what end they landed on they could always open a hole for fresh air when they surfaced. These boats had no Rutter's, no sails... not a single way to steer them. Really? When I think about it, how much faith it must have taken to climb aboard, shove off and pray that you won't get stuck out in the middle of the ocean for the rest of your life, right?!



On top of which, they were in the ocean for 340 some-odd days being, as it is described, tossed and turned on the waves, plummeted into the depths... for almost a whole year. But their amazing example showed that never did they give up their faith... never did they stop praising God, nor trusting in him. Sure I can imagine that they weren't happy, bubbly people all the time. I don't even want to know the foul language that would probably cross my lips as for the 100th time I was getting tossed back and forth. But to trust enough that you know that at the end of all of that comes a land that was promised to provide happiness for you, provides the praise Heavenly Father is worthy of. I am humbled just thinking about it.



And true to his word, he guided that boat to the Promised Land. Never once did he stop those boats from headed in the proper direction.



So, here I embark on a journey I know has been carved out just for me. I don't have the slightest clue where I am headed or how I am going to get there; only that God has promised me something amazing at the end of all of it. I know that it's not going to come without some challenges and painful things... but if I've learned anything from the Jaredites, it's to have patience and keep praising the Lord and trusting that he knows what he is doing.



Okay, without further ado, I announce to this little blog my upcoming Yearly Theme:



2011 is going to be my Tight Like Unto A Dish Year! Okay, so stop laughing at the name. It may not be the prettiest name... but it means so much to me! I can't wait to see where I'm going this time!

A Single Girl Thanksgiving (4)

Audria
older than I look
New England

As one who has been single much longer than I ever anticipated, I have gone through many phases of 'ok with my singleness'. I have had a few opportunities slip through my fingers. Each recovery was different. Each experience taught me something different. Most I am now grateful did end. The one that truly broke my heart and devastated me continues to teach me. It still makes me wonder about the purpose and order of things. In the end, I realize how blessed I am. Blessed to have the time to discover me, blessed to have the time to overcome the baggage of childhood and adolescence. Blessed to have the chance to become better...more of who I want to be. Blessed to have the opportunity to live and love and serve freely. I know that these things can be learned and experienced regardless of marital status. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father knows me and knew that the road He has taken me on was the best way for me to learn all of this and prepare me for all that is to come. There is so much yet to come, single or together.

Love On Your Own Terms

It was a cold winter's day, and this single girl was bustling about getting ready for a night on the town when her phone rang. Without even looking at the caller ID on her phone she picked up the phone,

"Hello Peggy, this is Bishop Olson (former bish). I missed a call from you, was that a pocket dial or did you mean to get in touch?"

"Oh, oops Bishop, it looks as though I did accidentally call you."

We chatted for a bit, and he asked how I was. I told him about calling off the wedding and filled him in on a few particulars and... then he said something... and that something has been rattling around in my head ever since. It's the kind of something that shifts ones paradigm. A something that stays with you forever.

"You know Peggy, you are so wonderful that I have no doubt that you will be able to find love on your own terms."

It was such a small and simple phrase- one would hardly think much of it. And yet, I did... and then as I pondered, I realized how much I needed to hear that in that very moment. AMAZING!

Love on my own terms. Have I not done that in the past? Well, yes... and no.

What does finding love on my own terms look like? What does that really mean?

Here's what I've come up with:

I have dated several men in my 31 years of life. Some have been good church going men, others have not. Some have been on the fence about their testimony and others don't even know what a testimony is. But in all my experience, all my mistakes, all of my own growth spurts I began to realize what MY testimony is... and within that context I realize not only how I want to live my life, but how I plan to raise my family as well.

The thing about dating men who either aren't a member of the LDS church, or even those who don't really follow its teachings (even if they are of the LDS persuasion) is that they really aren't in a place to live life along my side in a balanced and shared way. I don't mean to say that I am better than they are; that's not it AT ALL. Yes I have been on both sides of the coin, so obviously I can live knowing that really good people can sometimes find themselves making really huge mistakes. So it has nothing do to with someone being good or not- more of a question of how they live their life and what they want out of it.

The best question you can ask yourself when thinking about marrying someone is "if this person NEVER changed from today- could you live with all that they are?"

So I suppose I have found myself in past relationships with men who either couldn't or didn't want to give me the life that I dreamed of for myself: Big flashy cars, lots of extra cash for botox visits and massages by men named Sergio... oh... I mean...

A Loving home filled with laughter, Respect, Integrity and all of it centered around the Church to which I subscribe all of my beliefs.

People's weakness and shortcomings are all part of that package too... that's life right?- just so long as the fundamentals are there... that is what I want. Those are my terms. I shouldn't ever settle for less than that.

And so, as I move on with my life. As I look toward my future and the things I pray for- I know that God will bless me with a man who can and will give me all of the things I have ever dreamed of... LOVE ON MY OWN TERMS baby! That's so sexy!

A Single Girl Thanksgiving (4)

[so sorry for the delay... it's been way busier than i thought]



Katie
29
Utah

As a single, white female, I’m most grateful for time. Time to develop myself—to discover who I am and then rediscover me again. Time to learn. The knowledge I’m gaining since all my time is mine is something I would never trade, as well as something I hope I don’t ever take for granted or waste.


I’m learning vital life skills, like how to love and forgive myself and others, how to cook real meals that make me feel amazing, how to better understand human behavior and vulnerabilities, how to successfully communicate, how to speak other languages and experience other cultures, and how to best help children develop, feel safe, and receive love. While being single I can study and learn whatever I want and be whoever I want! Not to mention, I get to sleep 9 hours a night, teach refugee kids how to read, put my all into grad school and completely change careers, go to a midnight movie, have mad crushes on 20-year-olds and 40-year-olds at the same time, and do water aerobics with grandmas while looking hot in my swimsuit. I am becoming and celebrating and savoring each and every day. I am so blessed to be single!

A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING (3)

Colleen
26
Boston, Massachusetts, USA
I am grateful that I can follow my dreams. If I decide I want to fly across the country, "just because," I can. If I decide I want to go see Harry Potter for the second time in 3 days in the middle of the night, I can. If I decide I want to get my master's degree while working full time and seeing my amazing friends every single night, I can. And if I decide I want to kiss someone, anyone, I can. It is an amazing freedom. I love being single.


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Katie
34
Colorado Springs, Colorado


I am very thankful that while the holidays can really stress people out, I have the freedom, disposal income, and flexible job that all allow me to spend Thanksgiving on the beaches of Panama with some dear girlfriends. And because I haven't given birth yet-I will look pretty good in that swimsuit!


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Cara
30
Arlington, VA
I am grateful being single because it has given me the opportunity to live, interact and learn from many other amazing, strong, talented and insightful single individuals! It's like a "family" of singles :)

Feel more than free to not use it :) But, I do look forward to reading your posts!!

A SINGLE GIRL THANKSGIVING (2)

Amber
Age 25
Nebraska

I'm thankful for my two years I spent in Korea, exploring food, culture and military men!


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Emily
Age 30
Utah


What I Love About Being Single


There probably aren't many things more challenging than being a single mom. I do it all and I do it alone... and sometimes, that's tough. I miss having someone to share the workload and then wrap his arms around me when we're tucked into bed at night, to tell me everything is going to be okay after I've had a particularly rough day. I miss someone who will do the manly jobs around the house and take care of my car when it needs repairs. What I don't miss--well, that's another story.


What I love about being single is the HOPE. I came from a relationship where hope had died, and my future looked pretty bleak. On the single side of things, there's at least the possibility, the potential, for some amazing person to enter my life who is my perfect companion, the puzzle piece that fits right into me and all of who I am. I love having a reason to get dressed up every day, because every day is an opportunity to meet that someone; and when I do, I hope I dazzle him. I love the spark of those first encounters, the flirting, and the way my stomach flutters when someone cute asks for my number. I love it even more when he actually calls. I love the holding hands and the first kisses.


I also love the freedom to wear no makeup and lay around in my sweats sometimes when I'm home, because there's no one to impress. I love that there's no one to see my mess when I don't feel like cleaning. I also love that NOT having a man around to do the manly job and take care of my car when it needs repairs means that I am forced to do those things myself. There's something empowering about staring down a challenge or an obstacle, especially an unfamiliar one, and finding somewhere inside me the resourcefulness, the strength, the stick-to-it-iveness, or the gumption to do what I've never done before or didn't think I actually could do. Being single has taught me that I CAN be single. When the time is right for me to be in a relationship again, I won't choose it out of fear, because being single has taught me that I can do it alone. I just don't want to.


Because there's still something amazing about having someone to share your life with.


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Brooke
Age 31
Magna, Utah, United States of America

I love being single to the point that it bothers my married friends. They seem to get offended that I can just up and go whenever and to wherever I want, without getting permission from someone else. Also, there are no nagging phone calls when I'm out late or frustrated sighs when I want to go somewhere.

Being single means I can do 'manly' things without being told how to do it the "right way". When I finish those things, like installing up a pull-up bar, I feel self-reliant and my self-esteem is boosted.

I have a lot of time to better myself for me and not someone else.

I don't like to cuddle, so having the entire bed to myself is a great treat.

All-in-all it's a blessing that makes me...well me.