Love On Your Own Terms

It was a cold winter's day, and this single girl was bustling about getting ready for a night on the town when her phone rang. Without even looking at the caller ID on her phone she picked up the phone,

"Hello Peggy, this is Bishop Olson (former bish). I missed a call from you, was that a pocket dial or did you mean to get in touch?"

"Oh, oops Bishop, it looks as though I did accidentally call you."

We chatted for a bit, and he asked how I was. I told him about calling off the wedding and filled him in on a few particulars and... then he said something... and that something has been rattling around in my head ever since. It's the kind of something that shifts ones paradigm. A something that stays with you forever.

"You know Peggy, you are so wonderful that I have no doubt that you will be able to find love on your own terms."

It was such a small and simple phrase- one would hardly think much of it. And yet, I did... and then as I pondered, I realized how much I needed to hear that in that very moment. AMAZING!

Love on my own terms. Have I not done that in the past? Well, yes... and no.

What does finding love on my own terms look like? What does that really mean?

Here's what I've come up with:

I have dated several men in my 31 years of life. Some have been good church going men, others have not. Some have been on the fence about their testimony and others don't even know what a testimony is. But in all my experience, all my mistakes, all of my own growth spurts I began to realize what MY testimony is... and within that context I realize not only how I want to live my life, but how I plan to raise my family as well.

The thing about dating men who either aren't a member of the LDS church, or even those who don't really follow its teachings (even if they are of the LDS persuasion) is that they really aren't in a place to live life along my side in a balanced and shared way. I don't mean to say that I am better than they are; that's not it AT ALL. Yes I have been on both sides of the coin, so obviously I can live knowing that really good people can sometimes find themselves making really huge mistakes. So it has nothing do to with someone being good or not- more of a question of how they live their life and what they want out of it.

The best question you can ask yourself when thinking about marrying someone is "if this person NEVER changed from today- could you live with all that they are?"

So I suppose I have found myself in past relationships with men who either couldn't or didn't want to give me the life that I dreamed of for myself: Big flashy cars, lots of extra cash for botox visits and massages by men named Sergio... oh... I mean...

A Loving home filled with laughter, Respect, Integrity and all of it centered around the Church to which I subscribe all of my beliefs.

People's weakness and shortcomings are all part of that package too... that's life right?- just so long as the fundamentals are there... that is what I want. Those are my terms. I shouldn't ever settle for less than that.

And so, as I move on with my life. As I look toward my future and the things I pray for- I know that God will bless me with a man who can and will give me all of the things I have ever dreamed of... LOVE ON MY OWN TERMS baby! That's so sexy!