Sunday, July 10, 2011

It Can Be A Happy Ending... if you wait upon the Lord

I had been recovering fairly well from the painful break-up just a few months previous. I did my best to check in with God a lot and ask for direction. The direction was: stay happy. To help me with that directive, I was blessed with so many people and moments that made it easy to stay happy.

After Christmas, while driving down the street minding my own business, I felt this strong thought come into my head "You are going to be in a relationship, and it isn't going to lead to marriage." Huh, that was weird. I quickly brushed if off as a funny thought and went on my merry little way.

Just a few weeks after that "funny thought" a guy I had known for a while (and incidentally had a crush on) asked me out. We dated for a week and I was in heaven! Problem was, I was also freaked out of my mind of being hurt. At the end of the week- it seemed as though HE freaked out too and pulled away, but not all the way. Huh. This lead to 2 months of confusion, frustration and varied melodramatic thoughts trying to figure this guy out. All the while in the back of my head "you are going to be in a relationship and it isn't going to lead toward marriage" kept singing its tune. BUT I REALLY LIKE HIM... is all I could whine back.

Also in this month, a guy named Jake added me as a friend on Facebook. We had gone to High School together but I didn't really know him. At the time I remember looking through his life according to FB... noticed that he was divorced, 2 kids, lived in CA. I thought he was cute, but didn't think anything more about it because this other guy was front and center in my brain!

A phone call was made to this particular guy, words were said, feelings shared and confusion still ruled my life. That week I noticed him unabashedly flirting with someone else... it hurt my heart. At this point, with all of the thoughts racing through my head of anger and frustration and sadness and broken-heartedness from the past year, I finally reached my boiling point.

So I ran away. I went to St George to let my parents take care of me for a few days.

They listened as I spewed forth my anger, frustration and mostly my hopelessness. And you would think that having Heavenly Father send down a message about this relationship not leading where I wanted it to would be a big blessing... on the contrary... I have to admit, it made me more angry.

I was mad that Heavenly Father KNEW how much pain I was in about the last stupid guy... why couldn't... no... why DIDN'T he protect me from this new pain??? I was so confused!

The day before I was to go back home, I had... the moment.

It was 1 or 2 in the morning and there was a huge storm outside. There was a huge storm inside of me too. Finally after tossing and turning I jumped to my knees and yelled up in anger
"Alright, you want to talk? Let's talk..."
I proceeded to vent all of my frustration and anger at Heavenly Father. Sure I knew he already knew but I needed to say it out loud. And say it I did. I don't know how long I was on my knees that early morning, all I remember is just being done ranting and crying and all of a sudden. I stopped and waited. I noticed the storm outside had stopped too. All was quiet. I was tired. I laid back down and instantly fell asleep.

The next day I asked my dad for a blessing. It was simple and yet, so very powerful in that moment. The biggest thing that stood out to me was "Peggy, Heavenly Father knows where your heart is right now and he wants you to know that It's Ok, He Understands." It was all I needed to hear. After the blessing my dad stopped and walked to the couch... we was quiet for a moment and then said:
"Wow, never have I felt so strongly in my whole life... but... something is coming for you and it's big."
I had felt that same feeling too. Truth zapped me straight to my heart. I left St George a new gal ready to move throughout life with a better attitude, waiting upon the Lord for whatever he had in store.

MARCH 2011:
I realized one of my bigger mistakes in WHY this guy had become so Peggy-Centric and had been allowed to cause so much turmoil in my brain. And that's because I hadn't followed my own advice of a 3 Dude Rule. (basically it's just a way of staying balanced in the dating world by focusing attentions on more than one guy at the same time until one of them decides to make me their one and only).

After looking around at my life, I realized just how secluded I had become after the break-up. I wasn't really getting out much and attended church with married couples and old people. There was no immediate chance of me meeting new men. So I did what I was a little loathed to do... I got online.

After one week on one particular dating site, I got off. I was tired of staving off dumb guys wanting "hook-ups" or to talk dirty. However, I did happen to meet a guy from Scotland that became a fun friend to talk to. Because of the time difference he kept asking me to get on Facebook Chat. I never get on Facebook chat for various reasons, but every once in a while I would jump on to say Hi.

One morning I jumped on to see if he was there and noticed that this Jake guy was on. Seconds later a chat box popped up saying HI! Never in my whole life have I felt compelled to get to know someone. I said HI back. We "chatted" all day that day... and by nighttime I had given him my phone number and email address too. We talked through the night and into the next day. It was like I had found a long lost friend and I was trying to get caught up.

He already had purchased a plane ticket to come to SLC to visit his kids and so a week later I picked him up from the airport and we have been together ever since.

JULY 2011:
It has been such a fast courtship. I never in a million years pictured myself talking marriage with someone I had known for such a short amount of time... the last guy was a 2 year relationship before we got engaged. But, there is so much right and good in this relationship... so much peace. He is the easiest person I have ever gotten along with in my life... we really are a perfect match.

On July 1, 2011 we met each other in St George (something we've done a lot to save on airfare costs) and after sending me on the most amazing scavenger hunt through the vast metropolis, he got on his knee, opened a box and put a ring on my finger.

I've never felt more peace, more happiness, more contented love than I have with this man. I know that Heavenly Father had this planned all along, that THIS is what he was asking me to wait for. That THIS relationship was going to put all others to shame. Jake is my perfect match... and I am so very blessed that I allowed the Lord to work wonders in my life.

I was excited to share my story on this particular blog because I KNOW that there are women out there today that feel the same way I did... you lay awake at night wondering if it is EVER going to happen for you and you've lost hope, or maybe you have started to question that Heavenly Father cares or wants you to be happy.

I am telling you now that He will provide for you and you have no idea when that will be. Wait upon Him and he will provide... and it will be better than ANYTHING you had planned for yourself.

Life is never what we picture or planned.

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