Friday, March 4, 2011

Scaredy Cat

Fear is on my brain. Fear of the unknown, fear of letting someone else hurt me too, fear that I really am all the horrible things I think about myself sometimes.

As I ponder on this ever-present terror in my mind, I remember a FANTASTIC quote from a book I read a few years ago... Life of Pi by Yann Martel.

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. you become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread."

So true, right?

I L.O.V.E. what he says next though... the solution to this enemy... it's so beautiful and profound.

"The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."

Today I am trying to shine the light of words upon this dumb fear. It's helping!

The end.

1 comment:

  1. So true. I love your posts and miss you!!!