MY TURN ON EARTH

Everyone has their own story, on the journey of being single.

Here's Mine:

The Apple Dress and Pigtails

So in essence, this is where it begins. I would have shown you a baby picture here, but when you are #6 of 8 kids... baby pictures are something you learn to deal without.

Here I am in kindergarten, all bright-eyed and ready to conquer the world in my most favorite jumper my mom made for me! (excluding the Rainbow Bright jumper, of course)

I've always had strong will and a ready opinion. It was at this age that I had a best friend named Jeffery. I pretty much bossed him around and made him play house and barbies with me every time we played together, which was often. It was also at this age that my kindergarten teacher wrote the following words on my report card:

"Peggy is a good student. I enjoy talking with her, she is quite the conversationalist."

Obviously, nothing's changed!

The HE Mullet!

I would like to submit to you today, that it should be considered a form of child abuse to cut your child's hair into a mullet, of any sort. What with that nasty cowlick practically dead-center of my forehead, my hair has been the ridicule of many a sibling when looking back on my past. Oh and take a look at those teeth! A right of passage, for everyone in my family, is to finally grow a noggin big enough to accommodate the ginormous teeth we were born with!

Needless to say, this was the beginning in the decline of my self esteem.

The Awkward Lonely Years

I state this as fact and not a means of receiving pity, I didn't really have any friends during my elementary school years. I was awkward and tom-boyish and was always trying to assert myself where others did not want it asserted. And I was a very emotional little girl (I know, I know, nothing has changed there either), and you can only pitch a fit for not getting your way, so many times, before people stop wanting to hear it.

I spent most of my Junior High years trying to sort out my need for friendship and developed better "people skills." This is also the stage where men (or rather boys) entered my life and I discarded them as quickly as they came into it. I "went" with a different boy each year of my Junior High career.

High School

By this time, I was completely involved in theater. I found confidence in my abilities and also found that relieving some of those pent-up emotions on stage was far better then off stage. Yet, I was still a teenager and caught up in the emotions of friend drama, boyfriends, dating and school dances.

By my senior year, though, I was spending a lot of time with my sister who was already in college. I much preferred hanging out with her and her college friends and sneaking into Young Single Adult dances (sorry dad), only to get that forlorn look from the dudes when they asked how old I was and I responded "17."

The Fiance

Yes, you read that right. At the age of 19 I met a guy. He was 9 years older than me, already been married and newly divorced and wasn't so "into the church." Despite the warnings of loved-ones (did I mention that I am strong-willed?), I got engaged to this man right before my 20th birthday. (Are you kidding me with those matching white button-ups and khaki pants!?! ridiculous!)

To put this mildly, this year of being with this man, did more damage to my soul and self than any other relationship I had been in before or since. I was in over my head in a relationship that was far more adult than I was ready for and when all was said and done, he left me for dead and married an ex-girlfriend, while I tried to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.


Getting Over It

During the proceeding years, I submerged myself into theater and also got an agent doing a few local television spots. It was during this time I also decided to finally take myself to college.

THE BYU was, well, not what I hoped it would be. I went from being a girl that got asked out pretty regularly to never getting asked out and wondering if I too needed to start making plates of brownies and taking them over to the guy's house that I liked, so that he would know how good I was at domestic life.

A few years later I had dropped out of school, gotten a job making more money than I could even dream about now and was officially inactive in the church. I also gained a lot of weight, virtually disappeared from the view of men, lost a lot of weight and then went searching for love outside of the church, with men that I really shouldn't have been with.

The Boston Years

July of 2003, I got laid off from my cushy job and decided, without much hesitation, that I would move to Boston (I had always wanted to live there for some reason). During this time, I also started going back to church. At the time my Bishop in Provo was terrified of me moving so far away from an area so permeated with members of my own faith... but I was determined and Boston couldn't have ended being a more perfect a place to regain my testimony.

So I packed up my car and drove to a city I knew nothing about and knew not one soul. I spent 5 glorious years there, learning about myself, learning how to heal, finding deeper faith in Christ and connecting with some of the most amazing people I will ever know. I know, I'm a lucky girl!


The 2nd Most Influential Relationship

Yes, there were other boyfriends between the fiance and this one, but I count this relationship to be a large part of my late 20's... and a very pivotal one at that.

When I met this guy, I was instantly and utterly on board. There are few people on this planet that I get as excited to talk to, banter, flirt and be witty with than this guy. I was head-over-heels in love with him and if he had asked me to marry him, there wouldn't have been one shred of doubt as to what I would have said.

We tried, with all of our might, to love each other, and for years after the break-up, I was still looking for a way it could work out. Even when other men entered my life, I was still always holding out hope, that someway, I could be with him. It has been the most heart-wrenching thing to realize that he will probably never love me the way I want him to and make the decision to move forward. This one was more painful than all the previous dudes (including the fiance), combined.


Here I Am Today

Well, life may not look a thing like I ever planned it to, but I am excited about the future. I moved back to Utah this past September, to undergo surgery and with certain divine moments of meeting amazing women, I have decided to stay. I am currently trying the online dating thing (more to come on that!) and I am getting ready to live in Italy for 3 months to teach theater. Life couldn't look more promising than if I had mapped it out myself.

I am so grateful for the ups and downs of life. I might be a complainer by nature, but when I can look back, I see how incredible it's all been and I see the amazing woman I am turning out to be and I can't help but smile and be so thankful for all of it!