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Monday, October 12, 2009

From WE back to ME

There is something quite amazing about the word WE. You married people probably don't remember now because you are so used to saying it, but to a single person, when you have finally found someone that takes you out every week and says the L word to you-- you get to start saying WE and it feels grand!

"Oh, I'm sorry WE can't make it because WE already have plans."
"WE went out last night to this great restaurant."

It rolls off the tongue and just is the best word you can think of. You find yourself saying it all the time, whenever you can and become like a kid who just got his braces off that smiles extra big so that people will notice his sparkly new, unfettered grill.

Then, as with some relationships, things come to an end. Yes, amongst all the hurt and confusion and disappointment, is the realization that the word WE no longer belongs to you and you start to feel like Gollum after Bilbo Baggins just made off with your Precious Ring. You have to start answering questions like

"So what are you doing Thursday?" with, "I'M not sure I will have to check MY schedule."

No two ways about it... it plain sucks!

So this last break up has been hard. Okay, most break-ups are hard. But part of what was so hard about this one, was that this man was AWESOME, and took care of me better than any guy I have dated up to this point. No really. On top of that he had unofficially asked me to marry him, so most of our conversations sounded something like "When we are married..." or "When you move in, don't forget to bring..." I had already started to pick colors and had gone dress shopping with my mom and sisters... my dad even bought me a veil.

So here I sit, back in my ME world, trying as hard as I can to down-shift back to You're Single and Not Getting Married. It feels so out of body. On top of that, when one is over the age of 27, you begin to realize that your 20's slipped by ever so quickly and you are faced wondering how fast you are going to cross the 40 finish line. Will you be married by then? Will you still be swinging and missing every time you come to bat with a new guy? (man this post is just filled with analogies isn't it?)

I have decided that the two best artists to listen to when you are breaking up are Kelly Clarkson and India Arie. Kelly, because she gets all angry and just screams out your pain. And India because her words are soulful and are filled with truth and positivity.

The other day I was driving to my brother's house, surrounded by my self-pity and the music of India, when the following song came on and I was lifted by the words. I know that these words were from her experience, but they resonated with me and my experience too. They spoke pain and heartache and disappointment, but more importantly Hope.

This song is dedicated to all my single girls, whose silent tears fall at night, whose hopes of being wives and mothers still softly burn in pain in the center of their chests. Keep looking forward and having faith. This day too shall pass.








This Too Shall Pass Lyrics


I've achieved so much in life,
but I'm an amateur in love
My bank account is doing just fine
but my emotions are bankrupt


My body is nice and strong
but my heart is in a million pieces
When the sun is shining so am I
but when night falls, so do my tears


Sometimes the beat is so loud in my heart
that I can barely tell our voices apart
Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head
that I can barely hear what God says


but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass


The one that loved me the most
turned around and hurt me the worst
Been doing my best to move on
but the pain just keeps singing me songs


My head and my heart are at war
cause love ain't happening the way I want it
Feel like I'm about to break down
can't hear the light at the end of the tunnel
is when I pray for healing in my heart
to be put back together what is torn apart
and I pray for quiet in my head
that I can hear clearly what GOD says
but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass
my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized
that it only hurts worst to fight it
So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

I hear the angels whisper that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday
I hear my angels whisper
I hear my angels whisper
this too shall pass

12 comments:

  1. Oh Peggy, even in heartbreak you are elegant and beautiful. I have been down the broken hearted road and I understand your pain. That song is right on, it will pass. God MUST have someone awesome just for you, sweetheart. I wish I could be around to give you hugs and be there for you. Remember that you have many people that love you and that you are a wonderful person.
    Love,
    Beth

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  2. Peggy,

    I am 34 & still not married and I coun't my blessings daily that I've had the opportunity to grow, live, smile & experience life as ME so that I can fully give all I have to offer to WE when it comes. I love you tons & couldn't think of a stronger person than you so I know you'll pick yourself up, wipe off the dust & use that beauiful smile to keep yourself happy. Not to mention the effect of that smile on others around you. Whomever He has in store for you, is going to be one lucky man! Miss you...
    Love,
    ~Kristina

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  3. I LOVE this song. Thanks for this post, Peggy. Your single sisters stand by you, especially now. I hope you feel our love and prayers lifting you up. -Mary

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  4. oh honey, i'm sorry to hear that you are back to "i". There are some times when being an I not a We makes me feel strong and awesome and other times when it just makes me feel plain old sad. But there is something about knowing there are other amazing females in my shoes that takes some of the sting out. Love this song, love you.

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  5. My dearest Peggy,

    Thanks for posting this. I have been sifting through these feelings for the past month or two and it really helps to know other people are feeling the same way--especially someone as wonderful and accomplished as you.

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  6. I feel you. I just want to give up. See you Wednesday for dinner though love.

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  7. I went from "we" to "I" this past weekend, and totally relate to everything you said here. This song is great, as hard as it is to look at the situation from that perspective now, it will eventually pass. Thanks for your positive outlook on your situation. Good Luck!

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  8. Oh Pegg. This post speaks to my heart girl. I love you and you are in many prayers. You're right, hope is the answer. --Rachel

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  9. I love India Arie-- one of my favorite. Poignant post Peggy. We is a wonderful word. Sorry for your loss.

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  10. You are so amazing! I love you and I am grateful you are my sister. If you ever need anything, I am here for you. Stay strong and true to who you are. God will bless you for staying true to him! (Even if it means losing what you want the most)

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  11. Love your blog. It helps me feel not so alone, because I know I share similar experiences with so many of my friends. Glad you shared.

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  12. to all those who commented and even to those that just responded to me via email, Thank You. you support, words of comfort and love mean the world to me and i would never be able to do this without each of you.

    kristina, mary, katie and sara i too am grateful to know that so many amazing women know EXACTLY how i feel.

    jill- i wish you all the very best in such a hard time. the Lord so wishes that we never had to go through these painful moments, but he also has the wisdom to see the amazing women we will become, so long as we stay close to him. i will keep you in my prayers that your burden will be softened.

    linda- THANK YOU so much for your comment. you have validated the very reason why i feel to share so many personal feelings on a public site. sometimes we just need to feel like we are not alone and that the Lord is aware of us. you are NOT alone and you are VERY loved.

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