WHY?? IT'S JUST A COAT!!

When I was about 8 years old, our family dog Annie (whom we just loved to pieces, she really was the perfect dog) was hit by a car. I will never forget that moment. It was a hot summer's day and I was in the family room watching Full House as my mother was bustling in the kitchen making dinner. Out of nowhere my brother burst into the house with a tear streaked face screaming that Annie had gotten loose from his grasp, ran out onto the "big road" and gotten hit. This was one of my first encounters with something this tragic and the shock to my system is something I will never forget.

I have very muddled memories as to what happened next. We ran out to the scene where the very horrified driver was attempting to pick up the almost lifeless dog. My mother was crying and all I can really remember was the panic I felt and the chaos that seemed to whirl around me. By now most of the neighborhood children had gathered around and it was too much for me. I took off running back to the house and into my bedroom. How can this be happening? She can't die, she just can't.

Then I remembered that there were stories in the scriptures about Jesus healing the sick and afflicted. There were stories of people being near death, or very ill and because of prayers and blessings, had lived. I knew what I had to do.

I dropped to my knees, and will all the fervor of a very scared little girl conjured up all the faith I had in a Father in Heaven I believed was there and prayed for him to save Annie. I don't remember how long the prayer was, but when I stood up, I knew... just knew that she would live.

I walked outside to our front porch, where the crowd was now very large and saw the look on my brother's face. He looked at me and said "Annie's dead" and then broke down crying.

WHAT? How could this happen? I prayed so strongly and used every last bit of faith... WHY?

Why is such a hard question. We want and need answers for WHY things happen in our lives. Why the Lord doesn't just come and save us from heartache and pain and suffering. Why does he allow bad things in this world when he loves his children so much? Why didn't he heal my dog... I had the faith and I had gone to him in prayer. Why?

So many times the answers wouldn't even make sense to us if every WHY was answered. Just like my nephews who don't understand WHY they have to put a coat on to go outside and play when it's 30 degrees. They can't see the possible consequences for this decision. They don't have the reason and logic to fully understand the need. So when the demand is made to put their coat on their first response is a whiny WHY?? It's funny to watch them as the answer is given, in all reality they didn't really want the answer, they just wanted to complain and do what their little minds wanted to do in the first place-- go outside to play-- unrestricted by a silly coat. Gosh this would just be so much easier if they would just listen to their mother without the need to ask WHY all the time. She wouldn't ask it of them, if she didn't know how important it is.

Granted the pain we sometimes experience when life is hard and doesn't look like we wanted it to, feels so much more complicated than putting on a coat. But in reality, an eternal, loving parent, who can see the end from the beginning is there with the full perspective and He too wouldn't ask these trials of us if he didn't know how absolutely important it was for us.

My first response is always to call up to him in confusion, WHY? Sometimes I beg him to tell me, to explain to me, to help me see. He patiently waits for me to stop the temper tantrum, tire myself out and finally just come to him and ask for comfort and patience. For the smart girl, the next step is to wipe the tears, stand back up and keep her feet moving, putting on that coat, regardless of the pain and just trusting that by doing so she will find the peace and protection she needs.

And as one really amazing friend said to me just last night, by the time we are able to see the WHY, we don't care about it anymore. Well not that we don't care about it so much as we will be in a better position to see things from a larger perspective and the NEED for the WHY won't be as important as seeing the bigger picture.

My prayer today is for the strength to put my coat on without the whiny WHY?? and trust that there are more infinite details at work in my life right now. Details that I wouldn't fully be able to understand if I knew them right now anyway.

So I'm gonna go outside and play, wanna come?